Teaching Empathy
Posted on February 5, 2008
Filed Under Role Modeling |
I am husband to the step-below step parent. I should have had a better understanding of the issues my new wife and I would have to deal with when we got married, but I honestly thought that we would handle whatever comes our way. I still do think we can handle it, but the price of the learning curve has been almost unbearable at times, especially for my wife.
Take, for instance, this situation: It is not unusual for an ex wife to set off a negative tone by not acknowledging the existance of the step below parent. Depending upon how mule headed she can be, this can go on for an amazing amount of time, and take on a variety of forms. In our situation, I think that 7 years is a long time.
This attitude has had an effect on the kids. Most notably, they have learned to take my wife for granted and have not learned to express appreciation without prompting for just about anything. Empathy and appreciation is hard to express if it’s not felt first.
How do you teach the concept of appreciation to a kid? I believe that all kids have the basic seeds of appreciation just from natural social interaction. Perhaps the trick is recognising and nurturing this trait when the opportunity presents itself. Like many lessons in life, I think follow-through is critical.
Today, my three, almost four year old is making a get well card for her baby sitter. It was her idea. All we had to do was help her follow through on it. On the other hand, my oldest two daughters have never given a card of any kind to my wife. Not Christmas, birthday, mothers day… Maybe this is petty to a degree, but I don’t think so. I still send pictures, cards, and letters to my ex-mother-in-law, not just because she is the girls grandmother, but because years ago she was very good to my ex-wife and I.
The former is one of those issues that just eat at you after a few years. I don’t like to see my wife hurt. I’ve tried to communicate this to my ex on a couple of occasions, but she maintains it is my job to make sure my wife is thought of. What the hell does that mean? My wife watches, entertains, does laundry, cooks, and is there for them in every way. What’s wrong with having just a little foresight and making sure that the person that spends a lot of time with your kids isn’t thought of with at least a card at Christmas.
I’m baffled.
If you like this post, please consider buying me a cup of coffee.Related posts:
No-Tobacco Role Model
The Three Categories of Step Parents
Knowing When to Step in
A Teachable Moment
If I Only Knew Then…
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About Me
I understand step parent issues. I've been a step parent, have a step parent, and I am married to a wonderful step parent.
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