Knowing When to Step in

Posted on February 1, 2008
Filed Under Ex Spouse Relationship, Pick Your Battles, Relationships |

“Live by the sword, die by the sword” can apply to the warring camps of blended households too. How this applies to warring, divorced parents is like this: He or she who draws the most blood, loses. My philosophy on issues that my ex and I disagree upon is simple. I’ve learned how to pick my battles, and I’ve learned that I have very little control over some of the situations that occur with my children when they are in “the other camp.” So unless it’s something pretty extreme, I try not to step in and I try to refrain from “bad-mouthing” the other parent in front of the kids no matter how tempting it is.

It takes a long time, usually well into adulthood, before a child of divorce can develop true perspective. There are always two sides to a story, and then there is the truth. Often the “truth” is never really a case of black and white, and ultimately does it really matter who was right or wrong in the first place? I was a child of divorce too and as a young adult I thought it mattered who was right and who was wrong. Yet as I grew older I realized that my parents weren’t super humans with unnatural powers. They were just ordinary people… just like me.

My experience has shown me that kids either try to pick sides, or they avoid the issue altogether. The best course of action as parents in blended households is to keep the skirmishes out of sight as much as possible. If a child views you as the aggressor toward the other parent, this will come back to haunt you.

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I understand step parent issues. I've been a step parent, have a step parent, and I am married to a wonderful step parent.

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