If I Only Knew Then…
Posted on January 20, 2008
Filed Under Relationships |
……what I know now.” This statement is a common reaction from those step-parents “in the trenches” who get flak from all sides. Many times it is the the “step-below” step parent I refer to in my earlier post The Three Categories of Step Parents, who is the most stressed out, but not always. Problems often develop when the spouse of a step parent balks at confronting issues brought to his/her attention, whether it is issues with the step children themselves, or the EX.
Avoidance is the buzz word in this type of relationship, which invariably results in the step parent feeling powerless. In fact, the feeling of powerlessness is an underlying theme for step parents caught in this trap, either from lack of support from the spouse or a feeling of general helplessness from getting yanked around whenever the EX creates drama. The bottom line here is this: The more support a spouse is able to give a struggling step parent, the less likely he/she will ever hear the “If I Only Knew Then” statement.
Most step parents didn’t have a clue about how hard step parenting could be before they got married to their “slightly used” spouse and luggage. In all likelihood the spouse probably didn’t know either. Step parenting is a situation that even if you are well warned, you either feel it can’t be that bad and that you will be in control, or you are quite literally blinded by love. And “love sweet love”, trumps all…. Right? *chuckle*
If you, as the new step parent, came from an upbringing that has never experienced divorce, marrying into the “Blender” is comparable to landing on the face of an alien planet. You will be unpleasantly surprised. Even if you have come from a broken home, you probably didn’t have a clue as to what happens behind the scenes, or more to the point, the emotions that happen behind the scenes.
Without me getting into the multitude of issues that are packed tightly away in the Samsonite, I wanted to start a simple poll with the following question:
If you knew back then what you know now, would you have still married your spouse?
If you don’t see a poll on this post please look on the side bar. Meanwhile, feel free comment below, or better yet vote and comment. Thanks!
If you like this post, please consider buying me a cup of coffee.Related posts:
The Three Categories of Step Parents
About “Stepping Stones”
Teaching Empathy
Knowing When to Step in
Packers Homefield Advantage
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About Me
I understand step parent issues. I've been a step parent, have a step parent, and I am married to a wonderful step parent.
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